


This overview could get you thinking about sex – including your own sexual expression – in a different, perhaps more fun, playful, validating, and affirming light. But for those who enjoy a kinky, “edgy,” “unusual” approach to sex (although I don’t mean to “other” kink by saying that), you might find this (admittedly incomplete) overview helpful. It’s not like kink is a truly “necessary” component of sex the definitions of sex can vary from a days-long orgy to a flirtatious glance across a crowded room. That’s the term that came to me recently: enhancement. So, I’d like to share some thoughts about kink for gay men here and share just a certain generalized light on some aspects of kink that might serve to either validate a curiosity or interest that you already have, or introduce you to some considerations for options for enhancing your sexual expression. But another part of it comes from the same thing that has kept gay men in the closet for hundreds of years, and that’s stigma. Some of this, obviously, is just discretion and privacy. It’s almost as if they have overcome being secretive about being gay, they’re “ out and proud,” but the kink part is still left back in the closet somewhere with much less public acknowledgement or discussion. I’m happy to serve in this role, but it gives me pause when I hear about a certain sense of isolation that my gay male clients share with me. Since becoming an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in 2021, even after many years (30 in 2022!) as a gay men’s specialist licensed psychotherapist (in California) and life/career/relationship coach (worldwide) as the founder of, I’ve had the fortunate opportunity to provide information, support, and validation for gay men’s healthy sexual expression, including their kink interests, as well as helping them work through problems, either single or in a relationship, through therapy, coaching, and the occasional speaking event.īut in my daily, full-time private practice based in Los Angeles/West Hollywood, California (working via the Zoom webcam platform or over the phone), more and more guys want to work with me because it seems that nationwide, and worldwide, there is a shortage of gay male specific, affirmative therapists/coaches in general, and an even greater shortage of ones who can (or are willing to) discuss kink sex in particular. Gay Men and Kink: Sensory Enhancements to Sex – An Overview of Materials, Circumstances, Fabrics – (PART ONE)
